PARENTS
Q: About a month ago you wrote about a mother who was worried about her daughter’s first date. You said the boy should come in and meet you before they went out, have a snack, and tell you their plans for the date (even if your daughter had
already told you). Don’t you think this is a bit ridiculous? It would probably make the boy feel angry or stupid, and he would never ask the girl out again. — James, Scranton, Pa.
Q: Parents’ main concern and responsibility is the safety and well-being of their children and to help them make choices that are in their own best interest. This usually means setting some rules or limits that are fair and that do not damage the positive parent-child relationship. It means not “caving in” just because some teen may be angry.
I stand by my advice. The issue is not whether the boy feels angry or stupid; that’s his problem. It is in the best interest of the daughter for her parents to meet the date, be friendly, and ask the boy (with a smile and with direct eye contact) to restate the plans for the date.
You say he may be so mad he won’t ask her out again; I say, so what? If he can’t handle such a simple social courtesy as meeting the parents of his date, I wouldn’t want him to see her again, anyway. When I was a teen, I didn’t like this rule much either, but I realized that my parents had my best interests at heart in enforcing it. I’d tell my dates they
didn’t have to LIKE it, they just had to DO it. After the first meeting, it was easy. We used this method with all four of our children, and the dates usually hung around and talked with us even longer than we expected.
In today’s world of teen dating, it is even more necessary to know your child’s dates and their plans. Keeping kids safe and showing that you care is important. If this means the date will have to suffer a few minutes of discomfort, so be it.
Evelyn Petersen’s nationally syndicated parenting column is carried in over 200 newspapers twice each week. As a family/parenting consultant, early childhood educator, Head Start consultant, and host of a series of parent training audio and video tapes, Ms. Petersen employs an approach of providing hands-on, nuts and bolts advice to parents across the country.Evelyn Petersen’s nationally syndicated parenting column is carried in over 200 newspapers twice each week. As a family/parenting consultant, early childhood educator, Head Start consultant, and host of a series of parent training audio and video tapes, Ms. Petersen employs an approach of providing hands-on, nuts and bolts advice to parents across the country. You can read more from Evelyn at her web site: www.askevelyn.com
