If you are going through a divorce in your family the best advice is to be honest with your children, share your feelings, and keep explanations very simple. Do not do any blaming! Reassure them though some things in their daily lives will change, many things will remain just the same, such as your love for them.
Children pick up on feelings of stress, pain, anger, guilt, fear and sadness, even if you do not discuss the problems. When parents do not discuss divorce or the feelings that accompany it, children usually feel they are to blame, or worry about things that won`t even happen, making the situation worse than it is.
Both parents should sit down with the kids to talk about the divorce and reassure children that it is not their fault. Do it together to help the children understand that divorce does not mean losing one of you. You will both ALWAYS be their parents. They need to know that both of you will continue to love them, even if you will not live together. Never share angry thoughts or accusations. Children want to be loyal to both of you; make that easy for them.
The sadness, confusion, anger or fear in children may go on long after the divorce is final. Parents need to take the time to let children talk about their feelings openly whenever they need to do it. You will find yourself saying the same things over and over, but this is what the children NEED to hear. Encourage their questions and answer them simply and honestly.
Try to make the changes in your own lives with as little disruption to children`s lives as possible. Don`t assume children know which things in their lives will stay the same and which will be different; tell them. They may believe that everything in their lives…home, belongings, school, friends…will be lost or changed. Remember that when understanding, communication and love are consistently provided, children of divorced parents get through the crisis with remarkable resilience.
Evelyn Petersen’s nationally syndicated parenting column is carried in over 200 newspapers twice each week. As a family/parenting consultant, early childhood educator, Head Start consultant, and host of a series of parent training audio and video tapes, Ms. Petersen employs an approach of providing hands-on, nuts and bolts advice to parents across the country.Evelyn Petersen’s nationally syndicated parenting column is carried in over 200 newspapers twice each week. As a family/parenting consultant, early childhood educator, Head Start consultant, and host of a series of parent training audio and video tapes, Ms. Petersen employs an approach of providing hands-on, nuts and bolts advice to parents across the country. You can read more from Evelyn at her web site: www.askevelyn.com
