Giving Positive Strokes

We all know that children need verbal strokes or words for reward and encouragement, and for the most part we feel that we usually give it. What we fail to remember is that what we say is not always what is heard.

To compensate for this, try to get in the habit of saying good things to your child more often than you think is necessary and also in new, inventive ways.

Here are some different ways of telling your child that they’ve done a good job:

“Now you’ve got it!”
“Couldn’t have done it better myself!”
“My, you made that look easy!”

I’ve found the same was important about saying, “I love you.”

Our daughter was in a down period for a couple of weeks and all the “I love you’s” and hugs and kisses I could give did not seem to make any difference. One day when we were having a rather fun time together, I said, “You know, I’m really enjoying you.” It was like turning on a light bulb. Her eyes lit up. For the following week she would come up to me and ask if I was enjoying her, which I was more and more as her gray cloud had lifted.

I think to her, those words conveyed the “I love you” message she couldn’t hear with the more traditional words.

Vicki Lansky’s practical, common sense approach to parenting is familiar to millions throughout the world. Vicki’s first book, Feed Me, I’m Yours, published in 1974, and still one of the most popular baby/toddler food cookbooks in the country, was followed by The Taming of the C.A.N.D.Y. Monster, a #1 New York Times bestseller. Her other titles include: Toilet Training, Birthday Parties Best Party Tips & Ideas For Ages 1-8, Dear Babysitter Handbook, Welcoming Your Second Baby, Getting Your Child to Sleep … and Back to Sleep, Trouble-free Travel with Children, Baby Proofing Basics and Games Babies Play From Birth to Twelve Months, Koko Bear’s New Potty, A New Baby at Koko Bear’s House, Koko Bear and the New Babysitter, and Koko Bear’s Big Earache. Vicki Lansky’s Divorce Book for Parents: Helping Children Cope with Divorce and Its Aftermath